Donald Trump aims to raise a record-breaking $1 billion for his 2020 presidential campaign, which is three times more than what was raised for his 2016 campaign. The Republican party has already begun to appeal to wealthy donors with dinners that cost $15k per plate. If they want a picture with the president, the cost of their plate goes up to $50k and if they want to join the man in a roundtable discussion they’ll have to cough up $150k. That leaves us wondering what the hell Trump plans to spend $1 billion on to help his 2020 campaign.
1. To Cover The Salary Of His Advisors
When a job comes with a high risk of ending up in prison, the salary will have to be more than appealing to get anyone to accept it. A huge chunk of change raised by Trump’s campaign will likely need to be set aside to pay these salaries or for a sign on bonus at the very least. Otherwise, he’ll never be able to find someone to work with him.
2. For Melania’s Monthly Stipend
Melania hasn’t left her cheating, sexist, pig of a husband. At least, not yet. There’s absolutely no way that she isn’t being paid to stand by Trump’s side until he’s out of office. If he’s going to require that Melania sticks around for his campaign and another four years, she will likely expect an increase in her monthly stipend.
3. To Manufacture More MAGA Hats
What’s a Trump campaign without overstocking his online store with cheap yet overpriced, foreign-made, MAGA hats? He might have to pay extra for the tags to read “Made in America” since he’s all about keeping jobs in the country. Campaign funds may also be required to pay for employees to sift through shipments and remove all notes hidden in the boxes by the Chinese begging for help from unsafe and life-threatening work conditions.
4. To Fund Trump’s Prostitution Habit
Without Melania hanging around the White House anymore, it’s safe to say that Trump has had to dig deep in his pockets to pay for female companion. Not his own pockets, of course. As taxpayers, it’s our duty to fund our president’s sexual exploits and it seems that he will be using donations from his campaign if he is actually elected again.
5. For Extra Hush Money
Hopefully, Trump has learned his lesson about having others pay his hush money tabs to the women he beds. Since he’s not the kind of guy to spend his own money, he’ll likely put aside some of the campaign funds that are raised just in case he ends up needing it. Knowing the kind of man Trump is, he’ll definitely need it.
6. To Fund More Golf Outings
One of Trump’s biggest flaws is the insane amount of money it costs taxpayers for him to spend a weekend golfing in Mar-a-Largo. In an attempt to increase his approval rating, Trump may be aiming to raise more campaign funds this time around to finance his golf outings and make it appear like he’s saving us money.
7. To Pay For Russian Election Interference
Even though Russian election interference was discovered soon after Trump was elected and prevention measures have been taken, there are more ways to get into American heads than through Facebook. Who knows how Russians will be interfering this time around, but they’ll certainly be charging Trump’s campaign more than they did in 2016. Maybe this time they’ll place subliminal messages in our favorite Netflix shows and radio stations.